Connections

Some of you may read this, and already know but for those who don't, well here it goes.

Growing up, I never had my father around. It was always my mother, sister, grandmother, aunts, and my grandfather. In fact, it wasn't until I was much older that I realized something was missing.

I remember the first time I could remember meeting my dad, he came with my younger siblings and step-mother. I felt oddly strange with the idea that I was suppose to hug this man, smile at this man, and say "I love you" to this man, who was a complete stranger to me.

As the years passed by, I began to build a relationship with the man who had abandoned me when I was in the womb. Initially, it was hard to adjust and build a bond with my half-siblings. The younger ones hated me at first, and made my visits to my father's home over the summer less than pleasant. However, one day- my siblings and I experienced something that changed our relationship forever.

One summer, I was visiting, it was the last time I went to stay over there since then, my father and my step-mother was experiencing a problem and suddenly, I was in a hostile environment watching my father get physically abusive towards my step-mom, and I saw the look that came across my younger brother and sister's face. Being the eldest, (I was just in middle school, going into 8th grade) I immediately knew to react, and stop the craziness I was witnessing.

That was the first time I was ever in the situation of domestic violence, and it was also the first time my father laid his hands on me. (He didn't know it then, but that would be his last time ever laying his hands on me) I called the police, and tried to convince my step-mother to do something I knew she couldn't, and wouldn't do. After so many years with the same craziness, you become immune to it.

It was as if my siblings had become so accustomed to this kind of event, that there wasn't the same fear I felt occurring within them.

To make what could be a very long blog shorter, I will say this- my father and I are estranged, and Facebook has been connecting me to several family members on my father's side. They write me and reach out and say, "I am..." whatever family tie they may have to me, and while I sincerely care for all my relatives, especially my siblings, and most dearest to my heart, Kamal, the one who passed away, it's hard to build sincere connections with these people who family to me.

It all stems from my disconnect with my father. The entire point behind this blog is to simply express the fact that although genetically you may have some connection to someone, that doesn't mean the connection will translate into a relationship or love. Whether you are family or not, the connection has to develop between people in time, and quite frankly, my father missed out on his time to connect with me.