Thursday, June 12, 2014

Behind “The Unmasking”: My Role as a Choreographer & Dance Educator

A few months ago when I made the decision to put my dance company, marked dance project, on hiatus, I knew I did not want that to mean that my work as a choreographer and dance educator would come to a halt.
            
In the fall of 2013 my friend Andrea Kramer and I began discussing the possibility of having me as a guest choreographer for Ballet Forte at Wings Conservatory’s 2013-2014 season. Of course I was interested in working with BFWC, having been a guest teacher in the past, I knew her students were hard workers and had a strong foundation of technique.
            
I remember feeling intimidated as I walked into the studio on audition day alongside the other guest choreographers, one a New York University graduate, the other a BFWC alum, and then there was this fierce woman who was an assistant to an established choreographer. All of them had formal dance education under their belts, degrees in dance, etc. Meanwhile, I was working on a degree in women’s and gender studies with minors in journalism and public relations. However, like much of the past 7 years in my dance career, I did what felt authentic to me. I did what I’ve become known for; I pushed the dancers to show me their artistry, and not just their technique. As a person with a disability, I can’t do all the things that are typical and expected of men who dance, but being the communicator that I am, I learned how to use my body, and the bodies of my assistants, and my words to express to the dancers what I was envisioning in my head.

            

Initially, I had no idea what I was going to set on the 6 dancers that I picked from the audition but I knew I wanted it to be reflective on the past year of my life. I was already working on a new piece for my company, “Our America” which explored the social issues around gun violence in America, and knew that I wanted this piece to be a strong contrast to any of the group work I have ever done before. I wanted to challenge myself to go deeper, not to be afraid to push boundaries, and to remain true to the story I was trying to tell through movement.
            
The biggest lesson as I embarked on this process was learned through the interactions I had with the dancers. Many of who were early teens, what I was asking of them took a great deal of maturity and commitment. I was trying to tell the story of my life in the past year, how I struggled with perfectionism, and did not want to show my true self. I had spent years hiding behind a mask, trying to deal with the lows and blows that came from vulnerability. “The Unmasking” represents my own journey through self-discovery and awareness. It was my daring greatly moment, the end result of the courage I had gathered to remove my own mask, to give up trying to be perfect and allow myself to be flawed, to be fully human. One of the dancers was struggling with perfectionism, like myself, she was overextended and the pressure to be perfect was making her world crumble. She had missed hours of rehearsals, so much so that I had to threaten to remove her from the piece if she did not fully commit to the process.
            
Anyone that knows me well knows that I am a big softy but I have high standards for any work project that my name is being attached to, and when the dancer showed up late again, I had to have a difficult conversation. It was the first time in my career that I resented the fact that I was not just a choreographer, but also an educator. It was my job to help this young dancer and do something that no one else around her seemed to be doing; I pushed her off the pedestal. Everyone in her life put her on a pedestal, without considering how the height would cause the fall to be that more detrimental. They were breeding her to live a life of perfection, something she would surely fail at accomplishing. I told her that I had to take her out of the piece, that I could not contribute to supporting the pedestal she was placed on and that I needed her to stop trying to be perfect.
            

She broke down. Crying and pleading with me to let her back into the piece, I held her. I cried with her. And I made her repeat the following sentence over and over again, “I am 16. I am human and I am not perfect.” Once she gathered her breath, I asked her to teach her role to the other dancers and to remain a part of the creative process as an understudy. Some might think that decision was cruel of me, but I needed her to understand that life has a way of humbling us, and that if we respond with humility to our circumstances; there could be a chance of redemption. She taught her section with such grace and clarity, she cared enough about the piece to make sure she taught her peers thoroughly. I had every dancer audition for her role with her watching, and while they were all talented, it was clear to me that she needed to play this role more than I needed her to. I asked the rest of the cast if they felt she should be given another chance, since after all, they were the ones being most affected by her missed rehearsal time. Each and every one of them said yes, I turned to her and said she was given one more chance.  
            
When I began choreographing “The Unmasking”—the majority of the work was choreographed in 2 weekends, 4 rehearsals, approximately 18 hours. During the time that I began setting the work, I was overextended, the truth is, I was traveling for work, writing papers for classes, working (2) part time jobs, and working with my dance company, I was also setting work as an alumni choreographer for my high school. Knowing I needed to slow down, we didn’t have additional rehearsals until a month later. This is not common for me, to begin work and not fully finish it and then to have so much time in between. But I was practicing the lesson I had been trying to teach the dancer; I said to myself, “I am 22. I am human and I am not perfect.”

            

As the dancers and I returned to the studio to finish the work and clean the piece, I saw the entire piece with a renewed perspective and began changing the choreography and the music. Two days before the premiere, we had our final cleaning rehearsal and by the end of the two hours, we had boiled down the past year of my life into 9 minutes. On Wednesday, we premiered "The Unmasking" and the audience reactions assured me that the entire process I went through to create the piece was worth it. All of the dancers did exactly what I asked of them, they performed and spilled their souls on that stage. I lost my breath as I saw it for the first time in full costume and on stage, with the lights. 

The most intimate piece I have ever choreographed, “The Unmasking” and the process to create it will always hold a special place in my heart. Special thanks to Kevin Hurtado, my friend and assistant, who without, creating this piece would have been nearly impossible. Taking our masks off can be difficult but not nearly as difficult as trying to be perfect. Perfectionism is something we strive for but never something we attain. Remember that you are human and innately imperfect. Put your mask down, show us your flaws and all and cry if you have to. 

Writer's Note:

As a writer, I love for the stories I write and the material I create to be shared and discussed-- however, I ask that you respect my intellectual property and that you attribute my writing if you decide to share it on any other platform:

Written by Mark Travis Rivera | www.MarkTravisRivera.com.

Thank you in advance.