Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Saying Nothing Says Everything

I think about the people who committed suicide, when silence became a prison, they couldn't escape from. When saying nothing becomes expected, and when we are to distracted to notice a person's silence, who do we blame?

Many family members and friends say that they didn't see any signs, any red flags that would indicate that the person they thought they knew- was going to decide their own departure from this world.

We want to think that the facade of happiness is enough, that the smiles aren't just a mask, and that the laughter isn't just a way to hold back the harsh words they can't or won't say.

But why? Why is it that so many people bottle up their emotions? Or try to hide how they feel?

Is it out of fear? Are they scared to be seen as people who may be emotionally unstable, or weak?

We must stop pretending that this generation of teens and young adults are living in an easier world dictated by technology. In fact, not much has changed since our parents grew up- the bullying, and degrading behavior still occurs. The fact that we ignore the silence, as "typical" behavior for a growing person, clearly indicates that progress has not been made. The vehicle in which bullying or belittling occurs may be different, due to techno-logic advances, but the damage is all the same.

Let us stop pretending not to hear the silent cries, not to think of suicide as a growing epidemic that we've been disregarding for decades.

Because the truth of the matter is this-- saying nothing says everything, and when a person isn't speaking out about how he or she may feel, or when you think there's nothing wrong, no 'red flags'-- take a minute to 'listen', but 'listen' to what the person IS NOT SAYING, just as much as you may be listening to what they are saying.

If you or someone you may know needs help, feels depressed or may feel suicidal, there are plenty of resources that one can reach out to.

The Trevor Project is a non-profit organization who aims to prevent suicide within the LGBT community:

The Trevor Lifeline
(866) 4-U-TREVOR
(866) 488-7386

Please know, it gets better.

Strong Personality: Double Edge Sword

I am a very opionated person, and some say that my personality is a little too strong. I think about how that affects my life, and some of the resistance I get.

Then I think about where I am today, and where I could have been had I not have the personality I do today. People use to tell me that my dreams were unrealistic and not do-able. People weren't quiet in telling me how they felt, or about their doubt.

So I wasn't quiet about how I felt, what I could do, and at times, I let my actions speak for themselves.

I am in college, and some people think I am "too strong" when it comes to my approach to things and people- but my work ethic and standards are simple in my eyes.

1) Organization is vital. If everything is organized, it allows for more effective work to get done.

2) Hard work is the only way to accomplish something; no one who sits idle, and sits waiting for something to happen will never accomplish anything beyond the scope of "waste of time". No great achievement was ever achieved by someone who didn't stand up, work hard, and saw things through.

I understand that my persona may be difficult for others, and understood by most-- but I am not the kind of person who stays silent, and just hopes that everything is going to fall into place.

Yet, it truly is a double-edge sword. Being misunderstood by individuals, and disliked by people is not always the greatest feeling to have.

But then I think about this- those who mind, don't matter and those who matter, won't mind.

Like it, love it, or hate it-- I am who I am, and I can only be me. I won't sacrafice who I am, what I believe in, or alter my standards for anyone.

Guess that double-edge sword cuts deep, when paired with a strong personality.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The Domestic War

“No one has shown any connection whatsoever between these games and tragic incidents such as Littleton, or to youth violence in general, ... But countless studies have shown a linkage of youth violence to factors such as poverty, lack of parental involvement, family violence, untreated mental illness, the proliferation of guns, substance abuse and illegal drug wars.”--Don Tapscott


just another genocide
created by self-destructive minorities
guns are like their white picket fences
part of our neighborhoods
but the red body of water
flowing down our streets
is just the latest decor in the hood
and the stain left behind
is just the paving the government
won't pay for
the body bags are in demand
while education isn't part of our supply
just another dead nigga,
another spic
another number for the statistic
while many roam the streets,
meeting their dealer,
society sits back
and lets our race erase
not by their hands
but the colored hands
that made our people strong
the very same hands that have us living wrong
taking our own lives
collateral damage
so metal scraps,
have undone our progress
we are living in the domestic war,
and we won't survive


Violence is running amok in our society today, and the inner-cities have become a graveyard where the living are constant visitors, and the dead seem to be the permanent residents.

I am tired of relatives, friends, friends of friends, and people in my City killing one another, and tired of the lack of involvement from local police. The madness must end, and the love needs to begin.

The government is suppose to service it's countrymen and women, well I need service, my neighborhood needs service, and life should be given a fair chance- for every human being.

We're so preoccupied with the violence overseas that are killing our troops and many others, that we're forgetting the violence threatening our homeland security. Right here, on our domestic front, guns, violence and hatred is running rapid and taking countless of lives. When will we say "ENOUGH" and put an end to the silent war happening on our soil?

This domestic war has taken thousands of lives, but what do we say about that? "Just another nigga, another spic- let those people kill themselves."-- we need to end the wars overseas, and the war right here, in the great United States of America, the home of the free, brave, and casualties.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Coming Out

" If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise. "~ Johann von Goethe

I am such a passionate person, a person who cares so much for others. Yet, I am constantly colliding into a wall. The wall society created, a wall meant to entrap individuals like myself, from being themselves, from being open and feeling safe.

So many once believed that African-Americans were not equal, or entitled to all of the same rights and protections offered by the U.S Constitution. Now in 2011, many Gay Americans are still struggling for equality, for protection.

It frustrates me that I am made a target, a target for people to attack, belittle or make a mockery of. For some people, it's no big deal, just words, there's no basis for it. Yet, so many young people have killed themselves because of bullying done through the internet, or in person.

So many people justify their bigotry by hiding behind religion. Just like they use to use biblical references to explain why slavery wasn't a crime against humanity.


"Homophobia is like racism and anti-Semitism and other forms of bigotry in that it seeks to dehumanize a large group of people, to deny their humanity, their dignity and personhood."--Coretta Scott King


I think back at the time, the day I decided I would tell others, and then my mother. I think back and say to myself, "Mark, you were so naive", because I was unaware of the dangers that came with being open about who you are. I've never regretted my decision to come out, and I never will. However, the times when I would be standing at the bus stop, waiting for it to arrive, and people would drive by shouting "Fag" and other degrading terms, made me think about how my life would have been had I stayed in the closet.

In 2010, so many young gay men took their lives for various reasons and the truth is, so many other young teens are out there- straight and gay struggling because our society has FORGOTTEN the horrors that comes when one enters middle school and high school.

My favorite author wrote this in a novel called "The Pact", "Adults, light-years away from this, rolled their eyes and smirked and said, "this too shall pass" - as if adolescence was a disease like chicken pox, something everyone recalled as a mild nuisance, completely forgetting how painful it had been at the time."- Jodi Picoult.

So parents, love ones, and teachers are missing the signs, seeing the look of pain across young adults as typical but nothing about our society and this generation is "typical".

People are really struggling, and they want to come out, but they are scarred of the consequences that shouldn't even exist.

Coming out was hard, and it's hard being a Gay Latino, but what would have been harder for me, was pretending to look at girls, answering the common question asked by relatives, "Mark, so where's your girlfriend?", and living a double life. I understand that silence is safer for some, but I encourage people to come out and come clean, at least come clean to yourself, if you can't come clean to others.

Monday, January 3, 2011

2011

The new year begins with me feeling sick beyond belief. I've been on "bed rest" for two days, and that means I can barely move. It hurts to even type this blog.

In a couple more weeks, I will be back to school and I am looking forward to the Spring Semester, and to be back on Campus.

I guess I wanted vacation, but someone like myself has a hard time laying in bed all day, and even a harder time with nothing to do.

Reading, Facebook, and texting gets boring after a while.

Craving for those busy weeks ahead, those long days where sleep and I will barely know each other again. Those days where I am so tired, I don't even know how I manage to get ready. I am looking forward to this new year-- and to the new adventures it has to offer.

That's all I can manage to produce from my head at the moment, goodnight.