Body Image: A Man's Tale

"Everyone knows women who have body image issues. The secret: men have them too"-- Jill Neimark

When we think of body image, what gender is the first gender that comes to mind? Females right? Well if you are living in the society I am in, then yes you would connect body image with women.

But as the quote above points out, men have them too. In many recent studies and information gathered by various sources- men are just preoccupied with their looks as women are. What's crazier, is that women are also more concerned with how a man looks, which puts that old saying, that men can be heavy, with their stomachs hanging and they can still get a woman.

What's even more shocking about this new rise of concern for body image in men, is that "Dr. Murray Drummond, men's health lecturer at the University of South Australia estimates that 5- 10% of people with eating disorders are men. And according to psychotherapist Abigail H. Natenshon, 20% of those men are gay." (from About.com).

Yet, this is clearly underrepresented in mainstream society, and not a topic that people discuss in any way. In fact, I've been in workshops about health, and heard many people talk about eating disorders when it comes to women, but not once have I ever heard anyone bring up the fact that body image affects men as well.

Before I started dancing three years ago, I was this short, chubby kid who ate whatever, and whenever he wanted. But I remember I was performing for the first time ever in a dance, and a man came up to me and told me, "You were great, but it would have been better if you would tone up"-- I of course took it as his way of saying I was too fat, and needed to tone out my body.

From that moment forward, I became obsessed with my weight, and the people around me weren't shy about the fact that I could lose a few pounds. Now while I wouldn't say I developed a disorder, I will say that I developed bad habits. Those habits included going hours without eating, sometimes an entire day before eating. I would eat smaller portions and dance much more to increase my physical activity. I stopped eating fast food, cut out soda, and didn't eat seconds at dinners.

I began to lose a lot of weight, and people were giving me compliments initially. Then, people began to worry that I was losing too much weight. As much as I love my mentor, she added to my problem. When I was losing the weight, she seemed supportive and said I look great, and when others began to bring up the fact that I was too skinny, she then began to tell me I need to gain some weight.

Other teachers said I looked sick-- and I was so torn. I was losing weight and I felt great. The guys seemed to like my new look and I was loving all of the attention. In the last three years, my weight has been a major struggle for me. All of my weight goes to my stomach, and while my face, arms and legs may seem skinny, I have a huge gut. The fact that I struggle with my weight so much, really bothers me. It makes me really unhappy at times, and even ugly.

But when we live in a society where body image issues only seem to occur with women, it's easy to slip under the cracks, to feel depressed and not know what to do to make yourself feel better emotionally and physically.

Tonight I was at my best friend's house, and I love her family dearly. My two best friends and I have gained some weight since being in college (Call it the Freshman 15 if you'd like) but my best friend's little sister said something to me while I was eating dinner that really hit me hard.

"Mark I'm sorry but you really are fat"-- now we spent the day talking about our weight gain, and kind of making a mockery of it, and while I love my best friend's little sister and I know she was saying it innocently, it made me realize I gained more weight that I would have liked.

For weeks, I looked myself in the mirror without clothes and I cringed when I looked down and saw my stomach. I feel this added pressure to lose it, to work out...but I don't want to get into those bad habits again.

I feel down, and unsure of what to do--whether you're straight or gay, no man wants to feel fat, or unhappy with the way they look. I hope my testimony will help other men who are having body image issues, that they are NOT alone and that there are others feeling the same way- even if society doesn't think so.