Forefront

While I was trying to get in the forefront, trying to let my emotions show-- you were behind, thinking about ending what we've both worked hard to build.

I felt foolish, beyond foolish, I felt stupid because I didn't see it coming, because I was so busy trying to make effort, while he was distancing himself from me. How do you deal with someone, who needs to leave you "behind" so they can take time to deal with whatever it is they are dealing with?

I shared moments with this person that I've never shared with anyone else, and I cared more for him than I would like to admit, but last night, all the tears, anger and sadness made my feelings for him, the most evident.

He use to say that he was fearful that I would hurt him, that he was taking a risk, but what he failed to realize was that I was taking a risk, and I took it and I thought it was paying off, until last night. Suddenly, it all hit me like a ton of bricks and emotions unraveled.

I am a lot of things, I am far from perfect, but I've never cried over a guy, especially not in front of them- who does that? Lame right?

Here I was being positive, thinking about the future, for him, for I, for us- and while my mind was thinking positively for all that was in front of us, he was behind, thinking otherwise.

Only time will tell where he and I will end up- whether our history will simply fade in the background and become our past, or return to the forefront, and become our future.