This I Believe

(Before you read this, I have to state that I wrote everything below out of pure emotion and didn't take the writing structure or any of that kind of stuff into consideration- when the anger is gone, I will re-visit this blog and edit it.)

I am a very strong person, and I stand for what I believe in and while I've had a lot of struggle in my life, I try to see the good things in life. Whenever the discussion of religion comes up, I cringe- because for most of my life, I've spent it at the church, being involved, worshipping, attending as many services as I could.

Meanwhile, I was dealing with a struggle that I had been struggling with for a long time, I was a Gay believer. Yes, I figured out that I was gay, yet, I kept involvement in the church, and my faith was steady-- then I started to struggle because the little boy that use to doubt the lessons he learned in Sunday School, came out again, the little boy who doubted, provoked me to think.

Church had become nothing more than a political platform, the norm, what was expected of you by society and less about God. While I am aware of what the bible says, so spare me your vomit of scripture, I knew that God loved me despite of the "sin"- notice how homosexuality became the mainstream sin? The one that give other "Christians" the right to call someone else a fag, to show hate instead of love for thy neighbor.

The church became the poster child for hate and discrimination for homosexuals in America, so please remind me about the love of Jesus Christ, because that has been lacking.

Tonight, my aunt pressed me to go with her to some worship service, and as a way to spend time with her, and to make her happy- I went, despite the fact that I made the personal choice to STOP going to religious institutions of any kind, despite my better judgment, I went.

From the moment I got there, I felt like I couldn't breathe- all this talk of salvation, love, breaking off the shackles, removing the bondage. I was thrown into a place that I had long forgotten, the place I avoided-- because I was not connecting with God in that way, my relationship became estranged because church became a place where I felt judged, that place where people had to smile in your face, while gossiping behind your back. That place that spoke about the Love of God, yet, rarely showed it in times when it was most needed. You might be thinking that I am going off on a rant because of my own personal experience but let me assure you, I am not alone, and there are many out there who have had experiences with the church.

I am gay, I don't need to be swaddled, I don't need to be given sheets of paper with scripture references, and I didn't need to hear the word abomination over and over again. I needed to hear that God loves you despite your, well what we consider flaws, that you can still have a relationship with God, even through your gayness.

Tonight I also learned that my aunt still hopes that I will end up being straight- and I bluntly told her that I loved her and that me being straight was NOT going to happen. I told her I am gay, and that is the way I am and that wasn't going to change. We debated whether or not a person was born gay or if it was something that was nurtured.

I love my aunt a lot, but the fact that she still has this false hope is ridiculous.

My cousin and I just finished having a discussion on the same issue, and she said that 2 gay people together is wrong, that you decide to be gay and I explained to her that no one decides to become a target for another person's bigotry. Recently, there's been this "bi-sexual" trend occurring in our society because of Pop Culture, but people like me, who being gay is who they are and not just some fad, it's a reality that we have to deal with on a constant basis.

I want to imagine a place where everyone could live life in peace, living as they please- with no religious propaganda, because the world would be a better place if we just showed acceptance, love and equality, this I believe.