Image Is Everything, Or So It Seems

"Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, i saw debris
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today"

Today we live in a society where image means everything. You're either too fat, or too skinny, and your either pretty or your ugly.

These are the pressures we've created for ourselves- pressures that bring people to low depths, and even darker places mentally. Now I am going to reveal parts of me that I've never revealed but only because I think it needs to be shared.

When I was growing up, I would visit my family house a lot and stay over- they lived about 30 minutes away from me- they were the typical "suburb-ish, go to church, play sports, family dinner" kind of family and for that, I loved to go over and spend time with them.

However, I was always the "fat" kid, the one that was out of shape- or the one that would get the look if I went for another slice of apple pie. My cousins, who, with the exception of my older cousin, were all very physically active and fit would nag on me because I liked food and I wasn't shy about it.

I remember the first time I threw up food I ate, it was a Sunday, and we were all in the living room and we eat our favorite pizza from a local pizza place- I had ate 2 slices, and I was going to eat a 3rd, then the comments came.

"You shouldn't eat that"
"Oh my god you just ate 2 and your eating another one"
"Honey, I think you've had enough after that one"

So I eat the pizza slice, and then ran to the upstairs bathroom, and cried as I put my finger in my mouth to get rid of the food I had just eaten. The food came up, some chucks that were so fresh that I could tell that it was the pizza obviously.

I was around 12 or 13 when this happened, maybe a little bit older.

So I was always struggling with my weight and body image.

But that was the only time I ever made my self throw up.

Years have passed since that accident, and I couldn't have been in a better place in my life both physically and mentally.

However, even when I lost the weight, people were still giving me problems because then the comments were this,

"Are you sick? You look too skinny"
"You lost all that weight fast, are you starving yourself?"
"You need to stop losing weight, I can see your bones"

Truth is, I started dancing and I changed my eating habits and I lost the weight- sure there were times when I went hours without eating in a day, but that's not starving myself, because I would eat.

My biggest issue is that everyone has something to say, because you are either too fat or too skinny. Well to all those who have something to say, here's what I have to say, I LOVE MY BODY and I AM NOT SICK- My Body Mass Index shows that I am healthy.

"To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone left the puzzle undone
That's the way it is

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down
Don't you bring me down today..."

Today,a friend that I love deeply told me some things that made me so angry, and sad at the same time. Let me give you some back story, she was never a super skinny girl, but she was fit and average size. Due to some unfortunate circumstance, she has gained a lot of weight- and this next part just broke my heart.

She expressed how hard her family has been on her even before the weight gain, and how hard it is for her emotionally and physically. It's like she tries to lose the weight but she can't- she changes her diet and nothing works.

Meanwhile, she has people who are suppose to love her and support her suggesting that she get plastic surgery- (She is not Obese in any way, she is just a little overweight- but far from Obese). I couldn't believe what I was hearing from her mouth- they even get on her on what time she eats, and restricts what she can and can't eat.

You can tell this is hard on her, and what's worse of all, is that I think she thinks that Plastic Surgery and not eating for long hours at a time will help her lose weight; and the ones who gave her life, are the ones telling her that she isn't beautiful enough- in an indirect way.

She didn't chose to get sick and gain all the weight that she has, and instead of worrying about her health, they are more concerned with the weight which was caused by the ill health.

This is what we have come to, mothers preferring the other child because of our weight, or fathers telling their daughters they aren't pretty enough- and having an eating curfew- are you kidding me?

Sure, this won't make anyone more depressed, and cause more binge eating and bad habits- sure it won't make them hate their body image and their life- sure it won't cause suicide or even homicide.

What happened to loving people and supporting them through the hard times?

Seems like we are more obsessed over the weight then the person themselves.

"No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what they say
no matter what they say)
When the sun is shining through
Then the clouds won't stay

And everywhere we go
(everywhere we go)
The sun won't always shine
(sun won't always shine)
But tomorrow will find a way
All the other times"

Instead of putting someone down, why don't you tell them something kind. Instead of assuming they are being lazy and won't work out, why don't you ask them to join you for a walk. Instead of assuming that they starve themselves and put a finger down their throat, why don't you talk to them about their eating habits. Instead of judging them, why don't you put yourself in their shoes.

Image is everything, or so it seems but what happens when the beauty fades? Or the metabolism slows down dramatically? What happens when you push yourself over the edge because you just hate what you see? Or when you take drastic measures just to find happiness?

What you should do is realize that image is not everything, and that one should focus more on being healthy- which doesn't mean becoming a stick figure- or doing anything drastic.

Remember that those who really care what say hurtful things to make you hate looking in the mirror- but also remember that it matters more about what you see in yourself.

LOVE and RESPECT yourself and your body- remember that an image can tell a thousand words but that doesn't mean that every word is correct.

You are beautiful- no matter what, and you should embrace yourself.

And to those who feel like bringing people down because of their size- remember that your shape won't always be the same because time has a way of slowing things down, and weighing things down as well. Treat others kindly, because image is NOTHING.

"'cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down
Don't you bring me down today

Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today"

*the quotes that are italicized are lyrics to the Christina Aguilera song, "Beautiful" written by Linda Perry- I don't claim any ownership over those quotes in this blog and give all credit to the above names in regards to the song's lyrics.