A Fall From Grace

“Grace is the absence of everything that indicates pain or difficulty, hesitation or incongruity.” --William Hazlitt

According to Hazlitt, grace is the absence of everything that indicates pain or difficulty, hesitation or incongruity. Then I am sad to come to the realization that one of my dearest friends has fallen from grace.

For the last four years I have invested so much love, care and myself into a friendship that up to today, I valued more than anything else. But after writing about my newfound perspective, I would be remised if I didn’t listen to my mind, heart and spirit. This is why I find it so difficult, to admit to myself that my friend has fallen from grace, and that she needs to grow up.

As much as it hurts me to separate myself from her, as much as it pains me to see a friendship diminish, I know that I cannot keep someone around me who is going to be toxic. I find myself crying as I am writing this sentence, and my heart breaks because I know that a part of me just wants to pretend like words weren’t shared, that none of this is happening. Sadly, friendships end—but I refuse to call this the end, I just think she needs to lose me, in order to appreciate the friendship we had.

I however, could be wrong. Perhaps losing our friendship will do nothing to her; if she keeps up with her childish and selfish tendencies, I am afraid my absence will mean nothing. Yet, if I think like that, it will only hurt me more. The truth is, life happens and people grow apart.

Relationships, whether they be romantic or not take work, and it takes sincere effort. If you invest all of yourself but get nothing in return then you have no choice but to reconsider whether or not it is an investment you should make.

For tonight, my will is not to catch her before she hits the ground, but my hope is that she will be able to fall and rise again. For the last several months I’ve sensed that she’s been losing herself and while I’ve tried to poke and pry it out of her, sometimes no amount of concern or love can save someone. Sometimes a person just needs to fall, wipe him or herself off and stand on their own.

Perhaps it is immature of me to vent via my blog, but when I am at a lost for words and unable to reply—I find it therapeutic and helpful to write it out in a blog. While my dear friend may never read this, I hope she understands my reasons for distancing myself, that she may read this and understand my sadness, hurt and frustration.

Maybe all it takes is a fall to make sense of it all.

It will take effort and time in order to regain the grace you have lost my friend, but I wish you well as you continue on this journey.