Nothing is harder than admitting that something has a greater affect on you then you would like. So how do you pretend it doesn't bother you? You deny every feeling that tells you otherwise. Yes, it starts by lying to yourself, and that's okay sometimes.
Truth is, being in denial can be a double-edge sword; negative side is the fact that you are ignoring the reality of the situation, and the positive side is that you are protected, at least for a brief time.
I struggled with something recently, it required me to be honest and open, but some words I wouldn't say, and I had to fight back some tears. I don't know why the situation was bothering me so much, because I really don't care-- oh perhaps me saying "I don't care" was just my way of denying the harsh reality. I still think denying every feeling is better than admitting how you truly feel, because if you were to admit everything at once, it would leave you EXPOSED- open, vulnerable, and prone to more pain.
But what happens to the words unsaid? The sentence you wish you could have formed in your head, and spoken aloud?
You swallow them, compress them deep within your core, and you ignore every gut feeling telling you to say them. Deny every feeling, and in time, they should fade away, at least from the surface, and buried too deep to be seen ever again.
It is hard, to deny something that is true. But life has a way of working itself out, and denial is just a phase--one I am willing to live in.
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