I Am Done Correcting You (Tips on Understanding Gender Differences)

Miss. Sir. Are you a girl? Are you a guy?

            It seems like society is obsessed with trying to box people in—male or female. Our curiosity about someone’s identity leads us to make judgments, assumptions, and to display what I consider to be rude behaviors.

            What do I mean? Simple: because my gender expression isn’t that of the typical “male” expression, I tend to confuse people when I say my name is Mark.  My eccentric androgynous, and may I say fabulous look makes some people feel uncomfortable.

            However, I am done correcting those who attempt to box me in, I am done trying to reassure them that I am a man, of explaining myself—my gender is none of anyone’s business BUT I do understand that it can be difficult to understand the spectrum of sexuality and gender which at times can be complex for those who are not part of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender community (even some folks within the LGBT community struggle to understand). So here are some tips to help people understand:

          1.    Try to be neutral

Avoid referring to someone in the binary of “she/he”, “her/him” “Mrs. /Mr.”, and “ma’m/ sir”.

Example: Instead of saying, “Sir how may I help you today?" try saying, “Hello, how may I help you today?”

Some feel uncomfortable when they are referred to as the opposite gender identity or in a way that doesn't describe who they are.

      2. Walking into the restroom is no accident

Most people don’t accidently walk into the wrong bathroom, so if you see someone walking into a particular restroom—just know it is rude to give a dirty look or ask them if they are “mistaken”, they know where they are and what restroom they want to use. Let people use the bathroom in peace.

            3.   Respect

I know it may seem silly to write down “respect” but at the end of the day, it all boils down to that one common want/need—to be respected. It’s okay if you are not fully informed or educated on sexuality and gender and the massive LGBT community but someone’s ignorance of an area does not give them free reign to be disrespectful.

You can show this respect in a lot of ways—ask someone what their preferred pronouns are, don’t ask them if they are a “woman” or “guy”, believe it or not, there are people who don’t identify with either one of those labels.

It also helps to say sorry if you may someone else feel dehumanized or belittled by your actions, acknowledging the other person’s feelings and your error shows that you are aware of the mistake and it is also a sign of respect.

It takes some adjustment to use language that is inclusive of all people, but take it one step at a time and reach out to your local LGBT center or organization, they can assist you in learning because simply put: I am done correcting you.

Follow me on Twitter @markingthepath

DISCLAIMER: This post simply touches the surface of some of the issues as it pertains to gender identity, sexuality, and gender expression. I encourage you to do research, speak to your local organizations as it pertains to the LGBTQA community.